Imz Gets it Done

How are you going to take the photos but never post them? When will that day come when you are unemployed with the entire 16 hours of your day to spend just an hour doing that? There is something deeper holding me back and it’s…. stress and distraction. The stress of not being employed. The distraction of the wonderful world of art and media. I think one fuels the other, stress and distraction that is. & honestly, dedicating a day to just art I feel is so necessary. To get my brain the nutritious diet of wonderful and inspiring ideas, makes me so happy. & then yesterday I blamed my lack of productivity on tweaking from food or retention, or both, and then being faced with taming these new energy levels. I did call two of my buddies on the phone which is was nice.

AHGH. I just want to throw the table cloth forward with everything on it. Just let loose. Say eff it. Do what I want and without expectation. I want to go and take my photos tomorrow and not have to worry about posting or sharing anything. Although, I am beholden to promises I made. Like telling Aeon I would send her her portraits, or Flav that I would get him and his cousin’s photo in two weeks. But those are film!! Okay? You have money for the lab and you have your own development studio. What you wanna do bro? Just choose and ACT! Yes, I’ve noticed I’ve created a bad habit out of decision paralysis. That’s why I falter at the idea of posting photos. I have so many, which ones do I post? Do I post a mega thread or slowly release them? How do I not repeat tropes? Should I wait to put out photos at a certain time or just do it whenever I want in the name of consistency? All the photos I have are for battles that have already dropped. The hype is over for a lot of them. For SRS2, Hugg is putting out videos now. Should I share the JC photos and Miller photos now that their battle dropped? I’m still feeling the mega thread idea more. OKAY THEN DO THAT. DON’T YELL AT ME.

See. This is what it looks like in my head when I think about this stuff.

There’s another thing holding me back. & It’s the fear I won’t do my work justice, or that I’m spending too much time on it. I know those are two very conflicting ideas. Again, it comes down to decisions. Making decisions.

I am going to be the best decision maker there ever was. I’m going to make a decision then stick by it. Right. Becoming deadline oriented. That was the thing I wanted to focus on becoming. Deadline oriented people are better decision makers because they have to make a decision or they’ll never hit their deadline. What a genius effin’ insight. I’m a genius. Okay but if I don’t act and share it with the world– what does it even matter. For real. Even in my head right now I’m trying to make a case that if I made all this art, never shared it, and died, it would still be worth it. & maybe there actually is some truth to that, because when I’m taking the photos, and sorting through them, and then come across that gem, it’s an absolute lovely feeling I could never recreate, it’s feeling I can’t recapture, every amazing photo is so unique, it’s the act and creation of art that I love. That’s why I feel that way. & it’s a shame for outsiders to hear this from me because my God then we all really want to see the photos!!!!. To see the art!! I guess, it really is selfish.

Decision making is not an easy thing because decisions will never be perfect. Therefore perfectionism is a curse. Only God is a perfect, and the act of creation. The act of creation— which requires a making imperfect things to achieve perfection. Only 3% of the photos I take are in the category of perfect. The rest are imperfect. Before all shooting I’ve done it was probably less than 1%. Therefore, decision making for the ends of production must be a volume game that gets more efficient with time. Innovation. Can I not carry this philosophy, this way of thinking about creation into other endeavors of my life? I can, but I must remember that preparation will mitigate imperfection when embarking to innovate. It’s the balance of thought and action all over again. ‘Just do it, on system 2’ is therefore my all time catchphrase now. That settles everything.

I want to talk about something else. I have come at a crossroads. I’ve met my own last temptation. It’s the most difficult temptation I have ever come across. At first it was merely perceptible, wreaking havoc while I walked around cluelessly. It’s my sleeping dreams, it’s the art and media we talked of, it’s the mind’s ability to generate unique and wonderful ideas. It’s the ability to learn that turns every creative exploit into necessary thing to do because the act of learning is deemed productive. But to what end. I kill myself with this ability to extract insight from every available exchange with the world. It consumes me, and terrifies me immensely. It’s a beast within in me that makes thought so attractive that my world loses bearings on this material realm and solely exists in my head. I could live for eternity there.

Such is why it is the last temptation. Because even on the cross, Jesus had to overcome his desire to daydream the pain of experiencing his true reality away. If he was somewhere else in his mind— his martyrdom may have been in vain. He would be reduced to a body and a visual symbol but given the chance to communicate, if he talked of some far off delusion unrelated to the moment he would be cast as weak, excuses would be made for him, he would be held high up on the cross only to then be held in pity for his insanity. Sure, he did it, but he would become a victim instead of the man we know him to be.

That’s why the truth is immeasurably useful to deduce the metal of one’s character. Any genius can front with words, but a true genius is never susceptible to speaking hypocritically. One may know how to speak the language of motivation and think he is onto something, but if he is an oaf it is a lie. Why is he able to do trick himself into that shiny putting-off style of optimism? Because he has given in to the last temptation and believed it at some point or the other— the facade unremoved. To separate from it would require eyes that are strong enough to voluntarily hold shame and a neutral world view when a stem above, the mind colludes to show you a different image. God can be magnificent and cruel and wonderful all in one instance. In fact, stark awareness that that is actually the reality from an omniscient perspective all the time is unsettling for those of us half glass full types. Magnificent, cruel, and wonderful. So what happens when one overcomes the last temptation? He can’t lie to himself, but he also can’t lie to others. It’s not good, it’s not bad, it just is and the world is better for that. The world is a strong test, and that’s why we are strong, we only must choose to be. But that’s easier said than done.

How does one do it? The truth is there probably is not one answer and everyone has their own way of succeeding.

Waking up everyday and choosing to be strong to me requires meditation on the idea, “Just do it, on system 2”. That may or may not make sense to you but it’s what my brain understands to break free of the Last Temptation.

On an endnote, I trade in my desire to be great, for a desire to be strong. Great is a lofty ideal for philosophers and critics. Strength is a virtue of the everyday working man and I mustn’t never let it go— especially not on the cross of thoughtified comfortability— a mind state of the flesh and not spirit that is far removed from The magnificent, the cruel, and the wonderful.

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I was afforded to write this in a state where I am indulged in the flesh. I therefore seek forgiveness in Allah for doing so and thank him for his provision. It is back to the toil of labor and transmutation of minute to minute thought into true-sight. This is the word of guidance to sustain me, at-least for now.